牟锺鸣和胡雅婷的最后电邮

牟锺鸣和胡雅婷的最后电邮 The following are emails from May 13 to July 15, exchanged between James and his wife, which I have found only after James told me his gmail address and password when I went to the prison to see him. These emails reveal how James worked desperately to save their marriage but without effect, and how he was driven to a dead corner. Apart from No (1) ，No (2), and those after No 18，which go without translation, all the others in Chinese are translated into English and vice versa。 (1 ) May 12-13. From: James Mou Date: 13 May, 2011 1:59:48 AM PDT To: Lancy Hu , Lancy Mou Subject: Fwd: Call me ASAP James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, lancy_hu, Lancy_hyt show details May 12 There is no possible way that you can raise the two kids by yourself. What you did today already HARMED them BIG TIME, and I curse you for that. I know you will be lying to them when they ask where dad is around bed time, and I curse you for that. I know you will be saying bad things about me when they ask where dad is, and I curse you for that. It was me who rocked a 30 pound baby for three hours to sleep and got a back pain, it was me who kept running downstairs in my underwear @ 2 am to warm up the milk in the cold winter, it was me who heard the baby crying while you did not, it was me... I admit I am not a good husband in this marriage, but I have done above and beyond as a father, and I love them with all my heart and soul, don't you dare to take that away from me, don't you dare to rip my arms off my body! Let's face it, if the marriage is not working, let's figure out a best future for the children, and optionally, for you and me. I swear, I swear if I get the custody of the children, I will NOT find them a stepmother that they do not like, even if that means I will remain single for the rest of my life. I swear, I swear if I get the custody of the children, I will dump the stepmother with no hesitation if the children like her in the beginning and stop liking her at some point. I swear, I swear if I get the custody of the children, on the other hand, I will try my best to find a women that love them and can take care of them, so that their emotional needs of a mother can be fulfilled to some degree. I swear, I swear if I get the custody of the children, I will NOT have any more children for the rest of my life, so that nobody is stealing my attention from them. STOP, read for a second and think about the promises I made here, is there any chance for you to do the equivalent? I can make such promises because the SINGLE ONLY defining attribute I am looking for here, is a women that is loving, a women that is good with children, NOT her education level, NOT her financial stability, NOT her look, NOT her career future, NOTHING else matters, because for EVERYTHING else the kids have got me! Finally, if boys can only pick one between a father and a mother, having a father is much more important. OK, let's talk about you. If you get out of this marriage with NO kids and go take some Yoga / Pilate classes to get yourself back in shape, you are still in your late twenties, there is a very high probability for you to find someone that treasures you, treasures your type (==> I don't, and I admit that, and that is who I am), You want your husband to hug you before and after work, you want your husband to kiss you before and after work, you want to have good sex seven times a week, it's all good, go for it, it's your right to go for it, and I sincerely wish you all the best ==> definitely NOT in any sarcastic fashion. Think about this, seriously, I think this is your best logical option. But implicitly, you are also looking for a man who can support the family, a man who is strong and determined etc., basically all the defining attributes that women would usually look for in a man PLUS the criteria about the children, there is NO way for you put the children in a crazy important position that I would do, so there is NO way that I can let you take the kids away from me. Worst case scenario, my bottom line, which is what I have been trying to do for the past year or so, let's keep the marriage for the sake of the kids, NO, you can NOT take them away from me! NO! What you did today is terrible, you steal my children away while I am working hard to support them, where is your conscious? And I heard about a police officer? So what lie did you tell this time? You told them you are not safe at home? What kind of bad person are you! If your god is really God, you are going to hell for the single thing you did today! You lied to show you have a point? In the EXPENSE of the children's well-being! Where are my children? Some lousy shelter for homeless junkies? Zion is still SICK!!!! What happens they don't have their favorite toys to play? They don't even eat well at home, what kind of crappy poisonous food are you feeding them outside? COME HOME, I will sleep in the other home starting today, STOP hurting my children! STOP being a crazy and completely selfish mother! James Mou to lancy_hyt show details May 13 Do you have a plan? Or are you hoping things will just magically fix themselves? Aside from hurting the kids and / or wasting some money you never earned, what is the point of not living @ home? Do you think this is a great movie or what? (2) May 14 James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details May 14 This the second night that they slept in the unfamiliar environment, I just cannot imagine how bad it went. Does Zion still have a running noise? Please, give a call at least. The police would not tell me where you are, I drove around the city and tried to find some information in some women's shelter, they wouldn't tell me where you are either. You are forcing me to escalate this situation, to look for a family lawyer and make you show up with a court order, which I don't want to do yet, I am still trying to give it a peaceful way out. (3) May 14, 仔细看看这封信 ( Please read this letter carefully ) (The original is in Chinese, for which the English translation is given after every paragraph) Reply James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy_hyt show details May 14 如果说我前面写的很多信都带有强烈的感情色彩的话，从开始的愤怒，到悲伤，到空虚，到思考， 到现在我应该完全冷静下来了，希望你也能冷静下来看我们面临的问题。If many letters that I wrote earlier were with strong emotional coloring, now it should be said, I have, going through the different stages of anger, grief, helplessness and repeated reflection, completely calmed down. I wish you could also calm down to look at the problems we are facing. 你可能想不到我星期四回家的时候的感受，回到家看到一个空空的大房子，没有牟卓跑过来像只卡通猪一样一跳一跳的叫爸爸，没有牟融跑过来要求喝可乐，没有你 唠叨，我心里一下子就空了。我自以为是个很强硬很冷血的人，但星期四晚上晚一点的时候我想到牟融牟卓晚上睡觉前问爸爸在哪里，问为什么不回家，问爷爷奶奶在哪里，我泪如雨下。星期四晚上我没睡觉，比较混乱，开始的想法是星期五一大清早就去找律师，不计一切代价的把监护权的官司打赢，但后来稍微冷静一点之后想到，司法部门对这类 事情的介入是不可逆的，一旦开始打官司，你和我就变成仇敌了，也就是说牟融和牟卓的爸爸和妈妈变成仇敌了！所谓专业离婚律师，所谓社会工作者，不就是等着这种烂事情发生去证明他们存在的价值么，整个形势就会变成箭在弦上不得不发，所以我想再等等，再给你点时间，不要让这件事情继续升级到不可收拾的地步。You can't imagine how I felt on Thursday evening (May 12) when coming back home. What faced me is an empty big house. There was no Zion (the second son) jumping to me like a cartoon pig crying "dad", no Aaron (the first son) running to me asking for Cola, and no You complaining about housework routine either. My heart became void and sad right away. I used to regard myself as a very hard and very cold guy, but on that night later, when I thought that Aaron and Zion must be asking where Dad is and why he did not come home and where grandpa and grandma are, I could not help shedding a lot of tears. I was so bewildered that I did not sleep at all that night. It first occurred to me that on earlier Friday morning I would go out and find a lawyer, and try everything I could to win the custody and guardianship of the children, at all costs. Later after I was a bit calmed down, I thought that once those law circle professionals involve with the affairs, what they do cannot be undone; and that once a lawsuit starts against each other of us, we will become enemies, that is to say, the parents of Aaron and Zion become enemies! Those so-called professional divorce-lawyers and social workers, are just waiting for this to happen such that they would have opportunity to testify to their value of existence and the whole situation will be beyond control and will not be held back. Therefore I wish to go on waiting, to give you more time, and not to let it upgrade and become hopeless. 人无完人，你和我都有很多问题，我们的婚姻有很多问题，经过这次这件事情，我同意和你一起去参加一些婚姻咨询服务；哪怕就是为了孩子，我们也要试试。我这个人非常强势，所以虽然我星期三(5月11日）晚上没有动手，如果你要把你自己放在受害者的位置，我现在理解了。其实你至少不用害怕我会把你怎么样，星期三晚上不是都过去了么，火不是都发完了么，如果你不是害怕估计也不会把事情做到这种地步。如果说你希望我能像谈恋爱的时候一样视你为掌上明珠，我承认我目前的状态肯定做不到。我能做到的，第一，就是控制自己的脾气，不动手不砸东西，你也不准砸东西；第二，就是尝试着和你多沟通；第三，就是不当着孩子的面吵架，这个也要你配合；第四，就是不再按照我的价值标准要求你。There is no person who has no shortcomings. Both you and I have a lot of problems, as is our marriage. This time, after experiencing this incident, I agree to attend some marriage counseling service together with you; I would like to try that even supposing it is only for the children! I know I looked too prevailing over you, so even though I did not use my hand to beat you on Wednesday, I now can understand why you regard yourself as a victim. In fact at least you don't need to fear that I will do anything to hurt you. Did not Wednesday night pass peacefully? Was not my "fury" over by itself? I guessed that were it not fear's sake, you would not have done things like this. If you wish I take you as a bright pearl in hand (the most precious apple in my eye), just as when we were moving to fall into love with each other, I confess frankly to you that right now I cannot promise you to accomplish that. What I can promise you is that, first, control my temper, never lift up my hand against you or throw things violently on the ground and damage them (you should not do this either); second, try to communicate with you as much as possible; thirdly, never quarrel with the children present; please cooperate with me in this regard.; fourthly, I will not demand you to do this or that according to my own values. 我真的是非常在乎这两个儿子，我知道你也是，为了让他们有完整的父爱和母爱，你和我有义务再给这个婚姻一次机会，因为无论离婚以后监护权的判决结果如何，对他们都是很大的伤害。I really care very much for these two sons. I know you do, too. In order that they shall have intact love from father and mother, we have obligation to give our marriage an opportunity to survive. Because, no matter what result the lawsuit leads to with respect to the custody and guardianship, it will undoubtedly do a lot of harm to them. 你现在需要和我说话，如果那些鸟社会工作者告诉你给我打电话不安全而且你还相信的话，就给我写信，我恨不得每15分钟察一次信。You need to talk with me. If those shit social workers (in the shelter) tell you that it is not safe for you to call me and that you believe in that, then please write to me. I really want to check my mailbox every 15 minutes. 4 May 21, 回来吧 please come back home Reply James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details May 21 回来吧，不要再继续让这次的事情升级了。 Please come back home! and don't upgrade the incident you made this time! 我不认为你是一个如此铁石心肠的人，你在听你目前周围的人的意见的时候，请你至少尝试着去保持本心，因为所有可能会劝你挽救这个婚姻的人，你一个都不理，再这么下去，你就真成了这些社会工作者今年的政绩了。苍蝇不叮没有缝的蛋，我们的婚姻确实有很多问题，但是这些为你摇旗呐喊一定要把事情升级到天上去的人，说到底就是苍蝇。I don't think you are such a person with a merciless heart of stone. When you are listening to people around you, please try to keep your original heart, for, you have ignored and been reluctant to listen to, all those who might urge you to save this marriage. And if you go any further, you will really become the political achievement of those shit social workers in the Shelter. Of course, a fly will not bite on eggs that have no breaks. Both of us are at fault and our marriage does have quite a few problems. However, those people who shout support for you and encourage you to upgrade the incident to the extreme, are, in the last analysis, flies. 刚开始几天，我只是在想儿子，时间长了，说实话也有点想你了，哪怕是一起相处了八年的习惯。我以前没有意识到我把你逼到了这个份儿上，这次倒是有大把的时间了，所以仔细自省了一下，是的，确实是我把你逼到这一步的。你说过的很多的我身上的问题，比如说事业心太强，比如说家里的事情不上心等等，都是对的，而最大的问题就是我作为你的老公，很少给你温情。虽然我常常以我这个人从来就很实际当挡箭牌，其实你也知道的，年轻一点的那个我不是这样的. In the first few days, I only missed our sons, and with the days passing, frankly, I really start to miss you! I miss you, to say the minimum, even for the habits we shared and enjoyed in our 8 years of married life. I was really unaware how I have driven you to such predicament! Now since I have been left with nothing but ample time, I have reflected upon myself very carefully. Yes, it is me who had driven you to such status. You are right in pointing out many problems in my part, such as I have put too much attention in making a successful career, and I did not use as much as my heart to some family routines. And the biggest problem is that, as your husband, I seldom show affection to you. Even though I frequently excuse myself by saying that I have been from the very beginning a practical man, as you know, I used not to be so when I was younger. 5 May 23, 非常非常非常想孩子 I miss the kids very very much James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details May 23 想到看到手机桌面上牟融的照片眼圈就红了，后来不得不换掉。我妈妈也是，说着话就无声无息的抹眼泪。我不相信孩子会不想我，不想爷爷奶奶，都这么多天了。。。Every time I think about or take a glance at the picture of Mou Rong (Aaron) on my cell phone desk-top, I am on the verge of tears. Later I have to change it. So is my mother, who did cry out but just wiped out her tears that flowed down when she was speaking. I don't believe that the children are bot missing me, not missing their granddad and grandma, it is already so many days. 你进去的时候到底跟他们说什么了？我仔细分析了一下你说的联系我是非法的那句话，你是不是说了什么你现在想收回都收回不了的东西？如果是那样确实很糟糕，但是你也不用慌，你收回最多就算是做伪证，而且是在你情绪很不稳定觉得走投无路的时候发生的，找个好律师，我觉得这种事情最多也就是罚款，而只要你们能回来，花多少钱我不在乎，以后也绝对不拿这个跟你说事，千万不要觉得这是你被抓在那些人手里的把柄而被他们牵着鼻子走，不要让这些人用眼前的威逼利诱来左右一个会影响到我们全家人一生的重大决定！When you entered the women's shelter, what exactly did you say to them? After a careful analysis of the remark that "to contact me is illegal" as you told me, I am worried and guess if you have said something that you want to but fail to take back. If it was really the case, it's awful. But don't be frightened! In that case, if you take back whatever you have said, at most they would count you as making a false pledge; and it was under unsteady feelings when you felt helpless that you did it. We can then find a good lawyer, and I think it will at most cause a fine. But for me, if only you can come back, I don't care how much money it will cost; nor will I mention it later as any excuse against you. Anyway, you should never let those persons make use of what you have said and let yourself be led by nose to follow them. Never let these people threaten you or allure you into making any decision that will affect the fate of all our family. 6 May 23, (no subject) Reply James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details May 23 我今天和Andrew又通了个电话，除了说了你的近况以外，我请他帮我打听一下有没有可能性让我尽快见见儿子，见见而已，我现在不是要跟你抢儿子，我想他们都要想疯了。这个要求我也想跟你提提，应该不算过份吧？我是他们的爸爸，我对他们现在也有监护权，我也从来没有过虐待两个儿子的纪录，而且从他们出生到现在我从来没有离开他们超过12个小时过，你让我十多天看不到他们，说实话，这一件事就够我掉五斤肉的，不信你来称称我。你跟你的case manager说说吧，他们不让我见你就算还有那么一丝毫的道理的话，不让我见我儿子就是在存心作梗了。随便哪一天，随便什么时候什么地方，要是他们担心我知道了你们住的地方，就一个出租车打出来，车钱算我的。 I called Andrew today again, and apart from telling him your recent status, I asked him to help me ask about if there is any possibility for me to see my sons ASAP. What I want is just to see them but not to grab away them from you. Missing of them makes me almost crazy. I raise this request to you, it is not too much for you, is it? I am their father, I still have custody and guardianship for them, and there has never been any records that I have abused any of them. and from the dates when were born, I have never been separated from them for more than 12 hours. Now you don't permit me to see them for more than 10 days, to tell you the truth, only this is enough for me to lost more than 5 pounds' weight, please come and weigh me if you don't believe. Please tell your case manager: if there is some hardly viable reason that they don't permit me to see you, then there is no reason at all and it is deliberately making trouble not to let me see my sons. Please come on whichever day, at whichever location(with the children), and if they worried I would know where you live, please call a taxi, and let me pay. 7 Jun, 2, (no subject) 收到你律师的材料有感 Some Thought After Receiving the Letter from Your Lawyer James Mou to YaTing, YaTing, YaTing show details Jun 2 你律师的材料的内容简直就是触目惊心。这些真的都是你要的？你真的要求离婚？你真的要求一辈子不让我见到孩子？一辈子不让孩子们见到爸爸？ The notice your lawyer wrote to me is simply a fearsome sight. Are these really what you want from me? do you really ask for a divorce and really want to prevent me from seeing the children and the children from seeing me all my life? 你要求按照我每星期工作50个小时，每小时50块钱，一年到头年年岁岁从来不失业来算抚养费？我大致估计了一下你的律师的目标是想每个月从我这儿拿6000块钱，这真的是你的目标？ Do you request to calculate the costs for raising the children in accordance with the supposition that I work 50 hours a week and 50 $ an hour and that I never lose my job? After a rough estimate, I see the aim of your lawyer is to take 6000 $ monthly from me. Is that really your goal? 婷婷，我是做错了很多事情，我可以郑重的向你道歉，而且你要是愿意回来我会尽最大努力改我的不是，好好维持这个家。Tingting, I do have made many mistakes. I can apologize to you very seriously. And if you are willing to come back I will try my utmost effort to correct my mistakes, and maintain our home well. 孩子们是无辜的，绝对无辜的。无论你周围的人怎么跟你说，你知道我多么爱这两个儿子！你怎就忍心要求一辈子不让我见儿子？一辈子不让儿子见我？请你冷静！！请你思考！！还有，你回来绝对没有危险，我要是说谎明天就让我下地狱。你真的要逼着我跟你打官司？你真的要让牟融牟卓的爸爸妈妈成为仇敌？回头是岸啊！！！！The children are innocent, absolutely innocent! No matter people around you say what, you know how dearly I love these two sons. Could you bear to let me not see my sons and my sons not see me all my life? Please calm down! Please think about it. And there is absolutely no danger at all if you come back! If I lie, God will let me go to hell tomorrow. Do you really force me to engage in lawyer with you and change Mou Rong and Mou Zhuo's father and mother into enemies? Please stop, repents are salvation! 我除了你带孩子走掉的当天想跟你做仇敌以外，我决定哪怕是万不得已一定要离婚也一定要和平的离，因为不管谁拿到primary监护权，我还是牟融牟卓的爸爸，你还是牟融牟卓的妈妈，今后几十年抬头不见低头见，等牟融娶媳妇的时候我们都要出席！就算真离婚了，为了孩子我们两个不能成为仇敌！But on the very day when you went away with the two children I really took you as my enemy, I decided that even when have to choose the last resort and divorce, we will divorce peacefully. For, no matter who gets the primary custody, I and you remain Mou Rong and Mou Zhuo's parents. In the coming several decades, we will have to meet each other regularly and frequently. And both of us will have to attend Mou Rong or Mou Zhuo's wedding ceremony, so even when we have divorced, for the children's sake, we should not become foes. 我以前是对你不好，但你知道我对孩子非常好！Sole Custody？ 你的律师这是逼着我也去找离婚律师啊！ Previously I did not treat you very well, But you know I treat our children as best as I can. Sole custody? It seems to me that your lawyer is forcing me to look for a divorce lawyer! 你知道离婚律师按照财产分成提成吧？你去查查，我绝对没骗你！那就是他为什么一定要鼓捣你离婚的原因！那就是他为什么要把条件写得如此尖刻的原因！他就是想逼着我跳起来去打官司，一打官司就很容易往离婚上走了，一往离婚上走他就大笑了，因为不离婚的话他提成是零只有诉讼费！ Do you know that divorce lawyer would get his commission according to some percentage of our property? Check it, I am not cheating you. That is why he would work you into divorce!And that is why he put up such harsh terms against me! It is his motivation to force me to jump up and start a lawsuit with him. Once going to the court, it would be very easy to go to the next step--divorce. Once entering into the negotiation of divorce he will laugh heartily. Because if it is not a case of divorce, his commission is zero and what he earns is only litigation costs. 撤诉！或者至少把诉讼往后退！跟我谈！哪怕是supervised visit，让你的case manager拿个录音机在旁边坐着。你需要和我说话，至少和几个你认识的人说话，为什么你非要相信不认识的人说的话？Soo，Crystal，Andrew, 你爸妈，我爸妈，还有我，每个人都在劝你回来，或者至少劝你跟我谈，你就是不听，你就是只听你case manager的？只听你的roommate的？拜托你停下来想一想。 Withdraw your action! Or at least postpone it! and negotiate with me! Even if it is a supervised visit, with your case manager sitting by with a recorder in hand. It is necessary to talk with me, or at least with a few persons whom you have been acquainted with. Why should you choose to believe in words said by those whom you have not known? All the people, including Soo, Crystal, Andrew, your parents, my parents, and myself--everybody is advising you to return home, or at least to talk with me, but you insist on ignoring all, and you insist on only listening to your case manager and your roommate?" I entreat you to stop, and think about it! 8 Jun, 3, 无题一 No Title (I) Reply James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details Jun 3 决定和我离婚之前请你想想我的好处，想想那个带你去滑雪的人，想想那个请你吃urban thai的人，想想那个给艾莫写支票的人(牟怀川按： 艾莫是胡雅婷作传销时的上线，是个成功的商人；胡在父母家中经济困难时，曾向艾莫借了1500元钱，后来2003年胡雅婷与牟钟鸣相爱之后， 由牟锺鸣还了）。想想那个自称是你的饲养员的人，想想那个和你一起去fitness world的人，想想那个半夜出去给你买麦当劳的人，想想那个你怀孕的时候陪你从richmond跑去北温游泳的人，想想那个把cosco的三文鱼当猪肉往家扛的人，想想那个抱着牟融从一点晃到四点然后腰疼的人，想想那个从儿子出生就没打过球没滑过雪没参加过guy's night的人，想想那个虽然翘过尾巴摔过跤但好歹爬起来了而且刚刚渡过经济上的困难以为家庭生活也终于要走上坡路的人。Before you decide to divorce me, please think about my good points. Think about that man who took you to skiing, who invited you to taste Urban Tai, who wrote a check to AM to pay your debt, who claimed to be your feeder, who went together with you to fitness world, who went out to buy some MacDonald food for you at midnight, who accompanied you from Richmond to North Vancouver for swimming, during your pregnancy, who bought back as much Salmon as pork, who held and rocked Aaron from 1:00 to 4:00 am. until his back ached, who had never played basketball or football, or gone skiing, or attended Guy's Night after having his sons, and who, though having been cocky, having fallen down on the ground, has now stood up just after tiding over economic difficulties and thought that his family life will go upward. 回来吧，我以后保证不打你不吼你，和你一块去教堂，我戒烟，帮你做家务，其它的问题再一步一步解决。离婚不但对孩子不好，对你和我也不好，这个婚姻还有的救，不要一狠心就把它枪毙了！Do come back! I guarantee that I will not beat you or shout at you, and that I will go to the church with you, I will give up smoking, and help you in doing the housework. All the other problems will be solved one by one. Divorce will not only do harms to the children, it will do harms to you and me. This marriage can still be saved, don't shoot it to death by a fit of hard-hearted merciless mood. 9 Jun. 3, 无题二 No Title (II) Reply James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details Jun 3 HongBo离婚的时候你要我抱着你说我们永远不离婚，我说了，而且说得很认真，你当时还哭了，这也就是半年时间吧，我们就要离了？不要跟我说separation不是divorce，走了第一步的差不多都走第二步了。 When HongBo divorced with his wife, you wanted me to hug you and say that we will never divorce. I said it, and said very seriously and earnestly. At the time I saw you in tears. It is only half year's time, will we really divorce? Don't tell me that separation is not divorce yet, the first step taken, the second step is almost there. 10 Jun. 3, 无题三 No Title (III) Reply James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details Jun 3 我等了三个星期了，虽然常常整夜的睡不着觉，虽然这当中需要的耐心非常不象我能做到的事情，但我还是撑下来了，我一直都没有找律师，希望等你冷静下来和我谈。我尽可能每天做自己该做的事情，上班，回家编程，终于写了两篇technology blog，把我所有的电邮都整合到一个帐号上，在facebook和linkedin上到处拉connection，终于碰上一个有兴趣的猎头说好了我回头去他们的seminar免费讲课给自己增加点知名度，准备了几个topic，昨天居然还做了一次大扫除。 It is three weeks that I have waited. Very frequently I stayed awake all night, and with a patience that is far from being what I could have, I still held on to today, without hiring a lawyer for the wish that you would calm down and discuss matters with me. I tried my best to do what I should do--go to company working and come home writing programs, and I ended in writing two technology blog, and collecting all my emails on to one account. I searched everywhere and looked for connections in facebook and linkedin, thus I finally come across an interested hunting-head who made an appointment with me to give a free lecture in their seminar so as to increase my popularity. I have prepared several topics, and I even did a big cleaning of the house yesterday. 我不想把这个推上法庭无非就是想再给这个婚姻一个机会，我不想站到你的对立面上去，哪怕就是为了孩子！三个星期的和平期望等来的好像是一颗子弹啊？我到底做了什么事情让你如此恨我入骨？你要不顾所有人的劝告，不顾所有人的感受一门心思离婚呢？退一步吧，要不然孩子们长大一点就会恨你太决绝的。James That I don't want to push our family affairs onto the court is only that I want to give our marriage one more opportunity of being kept intact. Even though it is for the children alone, I would not stand myself to your opposite party. However, three week's waiting only invites such a big bullet shooting at me. What exactly have I done that make you hate me so bitterly? and ignore the feeling of all people around you to insist on divorce so adamantly? Please compromise! Otherwise the children, after growing bigger, will hate you for your being too obstinate in breaking relationship with their father. 11 Jun. 3, 无题四 (No Title (IV) Reply James Mou to Lancy, Lancy, Lancy show details Jun 3 我听Andrew（张牧师）说你觉得现在你的状况要么就是回家，要么就是离婚，因为你觉得不想和我和好所以就要离婚，那退一万步说你就算现在回家了以后不还是可以离婚么？这种生死攸关的决定请你务必想清楚，你先回来接着想，等你想清楚了一定要离婚的话我这个人绝对不是那种甩不掉的鼻涕。 I heard Andrew say that your present status of mind is either to come home or to divorce with me. Because you don't feel like reconciling with me, so you want a divorce. Then at the worst of the worst even if you come back home now, aren't you able to divorce me any time you choose? Please do figure this out clearly to yourself when thinking about such crucial event of out family! You can come home first, and then go on thinking about it; when you make it clear that you must divorce me I will absolutely not become the nasal mucus that you can' t get rid of ( I will not be an importunate person whom you cannot reject). 顺便说一句，我的确曾经想过sole custody，但从孩子的角度来说无论是爸爸还是妈妈彻底消失都是一件极大的缺憾（离婚本身也是，我前面的信已经说得很清楚了），所以以后我保证不会再提这个，你也不准再提！真要非到离婚那一步的话我们这种情况百分之百是shared custody，所以打一架再走到这个结果还不如一开始就定好这个结果别打了，不要跟着律师那种想得80分先瞄准100分的路子走。 By the way, I have indeed thought about sole custody. However, thinking from the angle of the children, the thorough disappearance of either the mother or the father will be a huge deficiency and regret (So is divorce, as I mentioned earlier).Therefore I guarantee that from now on I will not mention this, and you should not mention it either. If really we have come to the verge of divorce our case will definitely prove a shared custody. A final shared custody after a legal fighting is much worse than such a predetermined shared custody which can dispense such a fighting. Anyway, don't follow the lawyers who declared to take off the roof when their aim is but to open an window. 12 Jun. 6, Fwd: I am still afraid! ==> lancy's email Reply （later I'll have to translate it into Chinese）。 James Mou to andrew show details Jun 6 ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: YaTing Hu Date: Mon, Jun 6, 2011 at 10:48 AM Subject: I am still afraid! To: mou.james@gmail.com （原文是英文，我翻成中文附在每段下） Hi I am still afraid. I am afraid you will not change, because first of all, your motivation (children) is not right. Think about this, when Aaron hurt his brother, his milk for nap time is removed, then he cry for milk and promise me that he is not gonna hit his brother again. The reason he cry is not that he is sorry for is brother, but sorry for the milk that he can’t get. I believe that children is not secure enough to save the marriage. It must be something way bigger!!! 我仍然害怕。 我怕你不变。 因为首先你的出发点（孩子）就不对。就好比牟融打他弟弟，我拿走了他睡午觉时喝的牛奶，然后他就哭着保证说不再打弟弟了。他哭的原因不是为弟弟抱歉，而是喝不到牛奶了。我觉得挽救我们的婚姻单靠孩子是不够的，必须是更重大的因素才行。 Second, you said that if there is no children, it’s clear that we will divorce with no doubt. That’s no good! without children, there is nothing to cause you keep me. I am totally disappointed. I loved you, but I can’t fool myself! 第二， 你说如果没有孩子，很明显我们毫无疑问就离了。那不好。没有孩子，就没有什么让你留我了。 我完全失望了。 我爱过你， 但不能愚弄我自己。 Third, what I need is your commitment to repent and to change, I need you to commit to a long term change. But it seems that you are not there. You want to quickly jump into marriage counseling so you can see your children sooner. You want to see your children everyday during counseling. You wanted to change the 1 year process to 3 months. All of these is because you are impatient, you don’t consider whether I am OK with your propose. I don’t want make any more decision under pressure! You think 1 year of change is too long, you think I am fooling you. But I am not, it should take longer than that, and within the 1 year, it’s absolutely reasonable for you not to contact me and children. You didn’t realize it because you are not even close to have big change in yourself, you are not ready to lose big deals in your life. 第三， 我需要的是你悔过并且改变你自己。 我需要你长期的变化， 但是好像你没有认识到这一点。 你要迅速跳到婚姻咨询这一步， 为了早看到孩子。你要求婚姻咨询的时候你每天都看到孩子。 你要把一年的过度时间变成三个月。 所有这些都是因为你急不可耐， 你没有考虑我是不是同意你的建议。我可不要在压力下作任何决定。 你觉得一年的时间太长， 你觉得我在捉弄你。 但是我才不是捉弄你呢， 让你等待的时间应该更长。而且一年之内不准你联系我和孩子们是绝对合理的。你没有认识到这一点是因为你完全没有想过你本人必须有个大变化， 你根本没有准备好在生活中失去什么。 I know you told me a nasty lawyer who can help a guy who sexually abused his boy to get custody. I am NOT afraid if you hire him. I know you said you can use what I did with my children on the May 12th to against me. I am not afraid. You told me this is only because you want threaten me. I leave with my children was only good for me and for them.我知道你告诉我的一个坏律师曾经帮助一个性侵犯他的孩子的男人得到监护权。你雇他吧，我不害怕。我知道你说过你可以利用我五月十二日带孩子去妇女庇护所的事来反对我。我不害怕。你告诉我这不过是因为你要吓唬我。 我带着孩子走对我和孩子只有好处。 You believe that our children will not have happy life if their parents are separated. It’s NOT true! They should learn that everybody has right to seek happiness. If they learned their parents don’t love each other, but fake it and all of those acting is for them, they will not be happy. They will have happy life if their parents are happy!!! You can’t make me believe that my children will be like orphans. They will have less direct love from father and grandparents, but that doesn't mean they will have more people hurt them! they will still be loved! They will have lots church friends love them, they have God love them! 你觉得我们的孩子要是父母离了就不会过上好日子。根本就不是这回事。他们应该明白人人都有权利去追求幸福。要是他们知道他们父母互相不爱了还假装爱， 只是为他们而表演， 他们不会感到幸福的。只有他们父母幸福了他们才幸福。你不能让我相信我的孩子们会像孤儿。 他们会得到较少的直接的父爱和祖父母的爱，但那决不是说会有更多的人来伤害他们。他们仍然被爱着。 他们将有很多教会朋友爱他们！ 他们将有上帝爱他们！ I am not going to propose the 1 year deadline to my lawyer because it will only confuse me, and give you chance to fool me! Please stop calling me from now on. We can negotiate the settlement through email. It’s gonna be painful, but I believe it’s more painful for you to change yourself than doing settlement for separation. Try our best to negotiate without court! 我不会再向我的律师提议一年的过渡期。 那样只会使我更迷惑，给你愚弄我的机会。从现在开始不要跟我打电话。 我们可以通过email谈判达到解决。 这将是一个痛苦的过程。但是我相信对你来说比制定分居协定更痛苦的是改变你自己。 On Mon, Jun 6, 2011 at 12:00 PM, James Mou wrote: Will write to you about the rest of after I think about it, just to remind you, you proposed 12 months, I proposed 3 month, and we agreed on 6 months. I received your email after coming out of the lawyer's office, after paying for her service .... 13 Jun. 7, 好好看看这封信 Please read this letter carefully Reply James Mou to YaTing, YaTing, YaTing show details Jun 7 我很抱歉以前我对你的态度让你这么怕我，昨天晚上我可完全没有吓唬或者威胁你的意思，跟你讲那个律师是想证明律师是由利益驱动的所以不可信，跟你讲May12是想证明我肯定不会看见孩子抱着就跑，问你15号以后是不是住Burnaby是因为我都开始计划夏天早上班早下班之后干什么了，问你现在是不是住New West是半个玩笑，可信程度应该和我当年猜牟融2月29号出生差不多，千万别告诉我不但又猜中了还把你吓坏了。 I am very sorry that my previous attitude made you so frightened by me. However, when I was speaking with you, I really did not mean to threaten or frighten you. To mention that lawyer is because I wanted to show you all those lawyers are motivated by benefits, and therefore what they say is not credible. To mention May 12 whatsoever is to testify to you that I will certainly hold the boys and run away once I see them. As to asking you if you still live in Burnaby after June 15 is because I am planning what to do after working since I will go to work earlier and finish work earlier in the summer. And that I ask you if you are living New Westminister means only half a joke--its credibility is the same as I guessed Mou Rong's birthday. Don't tell me you are frightened since I guessed and hit it off. 我这封信断断续续写了三天，昨天晚上没把它写完写看来是一个错误决定，但是和你打完电话以后太累了。 With many stops, it took me three days to finish writing this letter. It seems to me that it is a wrong decision not to have it finished last night, but I was really too tired after calling you. 我知道牟融有一段时间很不喜欢我，因为那时候他犯错误的时候我处理的方式不好，你跟我谈过这个，我不但改了，连你都承认我改了。我这些天下班两个孩子不都是一听到车库的门响就又蹦又跳齐声喊爸爸爸爸爸爸爸爸么？孩子这么小，他们最亲的人那个人肯定是每天和他们呆的时间最长的那个人，我要出去工作，而且上一份工作工作小时那么长，我也想跟人骄傲的说我两个儿子最亲最爱的人就是我这个老爸，但我的primary duty是出去赚钱养家没办法跟你在这上头竞争啊。但是说到底，我这么在乎儿子还不是因为他们跟我血肉相连么，你可以说我parenting style不好，但那种血浓于水的纽带放在那儿，为了孩子我什么改变都愿意做而且正在做，我这个人虽然现在仍然不是个好爸爸，但我有做个非常好的爸爸的潜力，请你在试着发掘一下行不行。I know for a period of time, Mou Rong did not like me, because the way I dealt with his wrongdoing at that time is not good. You once talked with me about this, and I corrected my mistake, and even you recognized that I had improved. So these days after I come back from work, the two boys, once heard the rattling of the door of the garage, the boys bouncing and jumping, kept crying "papa" very happily. Since the children are so small, the person they attach themselves most closely should of course be the person who accompanies them the longest hours. I have to go out for working, and my last job kept me extermely long working hours. I also want to say proudly to people that the dearest person for my children is just me their daddy. However, my primary duty is to make money and support this family, and I have no way to compete with you in this regard ( competing for the children's attachment). Anyway, the very reason I care so much about our sons is their flesh and blood ties with me. You can say my parenting style is not to your satisfaction. But since the connection of blood is there, which is definitely thicker than water, and for my children I can change myself in whatsoever way and I am changing. So even if I cannot call myself an excellent father, I have the potential to be one. Would you have a try and find in me a better father than I have been? 其实平心而论，你说你对他们的奖惩从来不带感情色彩么？我说这个不是在责备你，人无完人，如果说以前是我觉得自己什么都好你什么都坏的话，你现在考虑问题的风格跟我那时候差不多。牟融打弟弟的时候只要当时你心情好你就还是能心平气和的和他说这样不对，牟融不好好吃饭而已只要你当时心情不好就会大声呵斥他甚至还拿那双炸东西的大长筷子打手所以他就开始向我求援，不是还有一次你牟卓不好好吃饭你大声呵斥他并且用筷子打手我在旁边看着不是都不高兴了么？他的语言能力连你在说什么都听不懂你都要大声呵斥都要打？ To say fairly, dare you say your punishment and praise of the boys are not affected by your emotions? I don't mean to blame you. There is no perfect person. If I used to be flattering myself in every way and blaming you in everything, then the way you think about things of me now becomes the same as I did previously to you. When Mou Rong is hitting his younger brother, you could tell him mildly that it is wrong to behave like that, if only you are in a merry mood; when Mou Rong's "mischief" is but eating with no good manner and appetite, you will yell at him if only at the moment you are not in a gloomy mood--you even used that pair of long chopsticks for frying things to hit his hand. That's why he set to begging for help from me. Did you remember that there was a time when Mou Zhuo failed to eat with good manner and appetite, you yelled at him and hit his hand with chopsticks and made me discontented with you? When his language ability was below understanding what you were speaking about, how could you bear to yell at him and beat him? 还记得你当时说你对孩子不好都是我引起的，我还记得你还说过如果我不想法子给你减轻压力你就是会对孩子不好，所以那天你说牟融现在behavior不好都是因为我我才跟你争了两句。站在你的角度看，你一个人在家看孩子，不像我还有工作，哪怕是不顺心的工作，确实更难调节自己的心态，在很大程度上讲我对你的评价和态度如何是你自我价值的唯一实现方式，我没能给你这种support是我不好。(在此再次为我这两年种种贬低你的态度、行为、语言道歉，诚心道歉，这个道歉无论我们以后何去何从都成立）拜托也请你站在我的角度看看，我回来的时候牟卓非常想看电视，牟融不反对看电视，而一个手抱着一个儿子让他们靠着我看电视是我一天当中最enjoy(享受）的moment（时刻）之一，就算白天看过电视了，再看一会也不至于就罪大恶极了吧？ I remember what you said on that occasion that you treated the boys harshly was all caused by me. I also remember your remark that if I could not find a way to relieve your stress and pressure, you will certainly treat the boys harshly. It was for this I argued with you on that day when you attributed all Mou Rong's bad behaviors to me, Let me stand on your viewpoint to see the problem: you took care of the children alone at home, not like me who have a job ( even though it is only a discontented job ), so it is more difficult for you to adjust your state of mind. So to a considerable degree my attitude and estimate of your job becomes the only way to realize your self-value. It is bad of me not to support you in this regard. 我不是在把责任都推到外力上去，但是外力有时候也会成为压弯骆驼背的最后一根稻草。这两年经济压力也大，孩子也小所以事情也多，我们两个都很累，而且人都说婚姻七年八年是个坎，过去可能就好了。这个时间段也不浪漫了，也不火花了，孩子事业都压着，把人心人性最坏的的部分一下子都挤出来了，但又来不及消化，来不及沉淀，本来就是个容易出事的时候。I don't want to shift the responsibility to the external forces. However, external forces sometimes can also become the last straw that breaks the back of the camel. In these recent years, we have been under big economical pressure when the children are very young andthere have been always a lot of time-consuming matters around them; so both of us have become very exhausted. So people often say that a marriage of 7 or 8 years old is risky, only when the time passes, thing come back smooth again. In this length of time-span, the two of the couple are no longer romantic, and the spark of their love affection no longer glitters, Under the pressure of career advancement and children nourishment, the worst parts of human nature crops up to show themselves before either of them can cope with and get rid of them. It is a crucial moment that something unusual tend to happen. 我这个人很骄傲，以前你小，你服我，所以我在你眼里还有点高大形象，所以这个问题一直隐藏着。（题外话，你知不知道我03年失业和09年失业你给我的感觉是完全不同的？03年的时候你和我一样认为我是当世奇才但是怀才不遇，09年我还这么以为，你却一直在劝我放下架子随便找份工作再说。）现在你长大了，我的形象看似也不高大了，我钱赚得多的时候你也见过了，结果钱多的时候搞了半天我们还是吵架（但还是比这两年少）。你跟我说你对这个家有很多梦想，去迪斯尼，带孩子去踏遍国内的名胜古迹跟他们讲中国的历史中国人的骄傲，我老是批评你说应该等等，等我们经济状况好一点再说，等房贷付个差不多再说。其实对这个家我也有一个比你这些更花钱的梦想，就是哪天我也能不用工作了，一边满世界旅游一边home school这两个儿子，而且不能太晚，孩子太大了就不愿意跟着父母这样玩了。应该给你讲过这个，高中毕业我十八岁的时候别人问我这辈子最想做的事情是什么，我说我想成为一个家的支柱，坚实的支柱，虽然当时马上被鄙视了，至少我这个人的本质真的很看重家庭。 I am a man who is self-conceited. When you were younger, you though high of me and admired me and in your eyes my image was tall and strong. Your negative impression was being hidden all along. ( Some extra words: Do you know that you have given me different ideas during my 2003 unemployment and my 2009 unimployment? In 2003, as my self-expectation, you thought that I was an outstanding talent in the contemporary world, or unrecognized genius; In 2009, I held the same self-evaluation, while you urged me to swallow my pride and find a common job at random). Since you have grown up, I am n o longer so tall and strong. You have seen the time when I made much more money, and it results in that we did stop quarrelling when I made more money(less than these two years). You told me you have many dreams about this Home of ours, you want to go to Disney, and to visit all sight-seeing historic relics in China with the children, telling them the history of China and the pride of being a Chinese. While listening to you, I always comment that you should wait until our economical situation becomes better when most of our house mortgage is paid. In fact I also have a wilder dream that is more money-spending than yours. That is, the time when I can dispense with working , we can travel around the world while at the same time home-schooling these two sons; which should not be too late when the boys become too old to be willing to follow their parents playing behind them. The following might be told to you earlier: At graduation from senior middle school when I was 18 years old, I was asked what the thing I like best is, I replied that I would become a pillar, a solid pillar of a family. Althoug I was looked down upon and scorned right away, it at least indicates that I am essentially a man who puts a lot of importance on his family. 这两年我确实彻底的忽视了你的需要，这个家的需要，乃至于我自己的除了工作和孩子以外的需要，整个掉到我的发财梦里面去了。放弃发财梦不容易，尤其是经过前两年差点穷死的日子之后我的心理反弹，但是真要拿这个和我的家庭完整做取舍，我一定选择家庭。Andrew那天说关于idol的问题，后来他还写了一封信过来其中一句如下，¨What is an idol? It's something that takes supreme priority in your life and anything that gets in the way of them causes you great bitterness, anger or hopelessness¨我当时一看就知道他说到点子上了，because I can really really relate to that, read the rest of this paragraph very carefully. 比如说你晚上想跟我说话，说得时间稍微一长我就烦，因为谈话妨碍了我work；比如说这次你把孩子带走了，我的本能感觉根本就是绝望的疯狂，楼下墙上又多了一个洞，是我5月12号晚上用头撞的，不知道邻居那天听到了是不是赶快去看看门窗都上锁没有；比如说平时我老是不满意你带孩子的方式、努力程度、结果（你仔细想想，其实有孩子以后我极少在任何其它方面挑剔过你，但你恰恰花在孩子身上的时间最多的，所以你才觉得我认为你是good for nothing), 但事实是因为nobody and nothing is good enough for my children！ In these recent couple of years, what I have really ignored is not only your need, but also the needs of our family and the needs of my own, apart from having the children and having a job, as a result of completely falling into a dream of making a big fortune! It is not easy to give up that dream, especially after spending the days of the previous couple of years when were poverty-stricken and almost died poor, my psychological rebound naturally prevent me from giving it up. However, if I have make a choice between that dream and the intactness of my family, I will certainly choose the latter. Andrew mentioned to me about idols, and later he wrote a letter to me, of which some sentences are:" ¨What is an idol? It's something that takes supreme priority in your life and anything that gets in the way of them causes you great bitterness, anger or hopelessness" . After a glance I knew at that moment he just said to the point. Because I can really really relate to that, read the rest of this paragraph very carefully. For example, at night you wanted to talk with me, once your talk became long, I turned impatient, as the talk prevented me from working. Another example is that this time you brought away the children, my instinctive feeling is disappointing craziness; on the downstair wall there appeared another hole, which was made by my bumping- head on the night of May 12.--I wondered if the neighbor had heard it and hurried to see to it that their doors were all locked. In addition, I was more often than not, not satisfied by the way you take care of the children, the efforts you made with which to care for the children and the result of your working indicated from the children ( please think carefully: ever since we have had the children, very rarely did I find fault with you in any other things except about the children. The problem is that it is right on the children, you have spent most of your time. Thus you found that I took you as good for nothing. The fact is that I did all that because I thought nothing is good enough for my children. 还有，你昨天晚上哭着说的让你认定我完全不在乎你那次动手，上一次我们谈话的时候我就回忆给你听过，真正把我激怒的不是你不起床本身，而是牟卓醒了牟融都下楼去玩了你这个当妈的还不起床；去年那次牟卓靠着我睡着了你摔门进来，牟卓大哭，我也就立刻暴跳如雷了；就连四个星期以前这个星期三，我过激的反应很大程度上就是因为你强行打断了我最enjoy的和儿子们的温馨家庭时刻；我一跟你吵架就想要sole custody,是因为在sole custody的情况下，我的全部的heart & soul都可以放到work & kids上。。。这种状态简直就是为当single father量身定制的。。。但是人类不能想海蛰一样单体繁殖。。。所以还是要找个女人：） In addition, last night you said with tears that I must confirm to you that I did not mind at all the fact that it was you who took the liberty to beat me; I told you how I felt during our last talk: what indeed infuriated me that time was not your behavior of not getting up, but the fact that Mou Zhuo has awakened and Mou Rong has gone downstairs to play, whereas you as their mother still stayed in bed and reluctant to get up when I had to depart from home. That time of last year you came bursting in when Mou Zhuo leaned on me and got asleep, thus you made Mou Zhuo crying loudly and made me almost exploded with anger. Even for the Wednesday (May 11) four weeks ago, my extreme response was to a considerable degree caused by your violent behavior which forced me to stop my time of playing together with my sons that I enjoyed most. Every time I quarreled with you, I desire getting sole custody, because with sole custody, I can put all my heart and soul on my work and kids....This kind of mental status almost resembles specially tailored for a single father. However, human kind cannot multiply itself by single breeding...and that's why I had to find a woman.:) 婷婷，我怎么可能不在乎你，我们结婚八年了啊！但是我这两年确实有意无意之中错误的把孩子和工作都放在了比你高的位置，孩子这头我应该做一些调整，但是工作的那一头，我肯定都为了你，为了孩子，为了这个家，放下！我想明白了，其实你说的所有的对我的要求加在一块再翻83倍肯定还不如这一条有效：下班之后牟钟鸣不准开计算机。虽然我常常把离婚二字挂在嘴上，要玩真的我还真受不了，不仅仅是为了孩子，你以为你真的受得了离婚啊？。。。你非要听这句话的话。。。不行。。。还是说不出来。。。使劲。。。卡住了。。。我。。。卡住了。。。爱。。。卡住了。。。卡住了。。。卡住了。。。你，听见没有！没听见拉到。。。还有，不准嫉妒你儿子。 Tingting, how can it be possible that I did not regard you as important, now that we have married for 8 years. However, these recent two years indeed, aware or unaware, I wrongly put the children and my work in a place higher than you. With regard to dealing with the children, I should make some adjustment. With respect to work, I work certainly for you and for the children, and for this home of ours. Should I put it aside? I consider and reconsider, and finally I realized what you mean. In fact, all you requests put together or even n times more would not be as effective as this claim: After working and coming home, no permission for Mou Zhongming to turn on his computer! Although I often put the word "divorce" on my lips, I cannot really bear it if it really happens! Do you think you can bear it? If you are sure to let me say it...won't do...I cannot utter it out...with efforts...I am choked...I...choked...love...choked...choked...choked... Haven't you heard？。。。forget it if you have not!...in addition, you should not be jealous of your sons if I gave them more love. 回来吧，我跟你说，这个就是我们问题的根本，根本的根本！把这个解决了，别的什么都好说。我是非常想见孩子，我根本从来没有试图掩饰这一点，而且我不能有patience，凭什么呀，我是孩子他爸爸，你再不让我见孩子我告你虐待我！ Come back home! Let me tell you: this is most important thing for us, the most important of all important thing to do. This solved, all the others will be easier. It is true that I am eager to see my children, I never try to hide this from you, and I cannot have patience to wait. With what can you deny and deprive this right of mine, who is the dad of the children! If you go on preventing me from seeing the children, I will accuse you of abusing me. 14 Jun, 8无题五 (No Title V) Reply hide details Jun 8 今天我的律师给我起草好了第一个response，我一看果然是一颗好子弹，我自己写肯定写不出来，跟你的律师之狮子大开口果然有的一比，但是以下是我对我律师说的原话 (Today my lawyer has finished drafting my first response, after looking at it I found it really a good bullet to be shot out. It is certain that I cannot write it by my own, and it can really compare with your lawyer whose wording sounds like daylight robbery. Yes, the marriage is very broken, but we spent eight years together after all, including good times, I found you guys just to make sure I don't get screwed if she does something nasty, but I will try not to request things that I would perceive as nasty to her. Please hold off the delivery, until I figure out how to make it nicer. 我坐在车里敲这段话的时候突然眼泪就掉下来了，婷婷，八年，两个孩子，真的完了？咱们中国人说一日夫妻百日恩，你就真恨我恨到如此地步？我那天晚上说你狠心就是这个意思，你这次对我比对你以前男朋友恐怕要更狠吧，我真的已经尽力冷静尽力乐观尽力坚强尽力把事情往好的方向推了，但我真的有点撑不住了。 When I am typewriting this paragraph, tears suddenly flowed down my cheeks, Tingting, are the 8 years and 2 children really ended this way? We Chinese always say that one day as affectionate couple is a hundred day's indebtedness and grace. Do you really hate me to such a degree? That night when I said you are too heartless, I said with this in heart. So this time you seem perhaps more merciless and heartless to me than to your former boy friend? I have really tried my best to be calm, to be optimistic and to be strong and to push things to turn to better direction. But I really feel that I could hardly hold on. 你最新的变化我没有和我爸妈说，因为你同意六个月协议那天老头老太太一晚上没睡觉计划怎么给牟卓过生日，这两天不停的问我协议签好了没有，而事实却是我在面对另外一种性质的协议。而且你现在再次变得非常情绪化，请你不要憋着，找个你信任的人谈谈。如果律师费的贵贱根本不是一个需要考虑的因素，而且综合考虑其它各种因素之后你百分之百肯定你要离婚的话，律师确实可以完全代表你的利益，但一般你我这样的小人物，谁有这种财力啊. I have not told my parents your recent changes, For, on the very day when you consented to the 6 month agreement, the old sir and old madam stayed up overnight to plan how to celebrate Mou Zhuo's birthday. In the last few days they incessantly asked me if I have signed the agreement. The fact is, I am facing another nature of agreement. And you once more become so emotional. Please don't keep the emotion only to yourself and find someone that you can trust to pour out all that is in your heart. If you don't consider the legal expense of hiring a lawyer is factor at all, if after comprehensive consideration of all other factors you still 100% want a divorce, a lawyer can certainly represent your benefits. However, who of those small figures like me and you, can afford such big amount of money? 15 July 13, draft of the agreement 16 Jun. 15, draft of the agreement 17 以下是胡给牟的email（已经被法庭文件证实是真的） 想说而没有说出的话 (胡雅婷7月16日凌晨零时16分给 James 的email） 刚才之所以打电话给你是因为我很想跟你说：“对不起，老公。我今天，甚至这些日子，因为自己的过度害怕，我变得太过以自我为中心，甚至在我明明知道我不对的时候，我还强装着不讲道理。” 在过度害怕失望和极度缺乏信心的阴影下，我迷失了，我在自己角色的定位上，在自己角色的投入上都变得像个自私的胆小鬼。也许我能逃避真实的面对你，但是我无法逃过我在上帝面前得羞愧，praise God，唯有他才能让我们过去的伤痕完全癒合，他是我们的盼望，也是最靠得住的盼望。 老公，你能原谅我吗？你能和我携手将我们的婚姻全全交托给他吗？我需要你信他 （我自私的需要）。你更需要他，这是真的！ 老婆：婷婷 English translation: Title: What I wanted to say but did not speak out. 0016 0711 2011 The reason why I called you just now is that I would like very much to tell you: "Sorry, my husband. Today, and these days, because of having been extremely frightened, I have become too self-centered. Even when I clearly know I am in the wrong, I still pretend to be right and insisted on being unreasonable " Under the shadow of an utmost fear of disappointment and extreme lack of self-confidence, I lose myself 。On the self recognition of the role I play and on how I should play the role, I become a selfish and a timid coward (. Maybe I can escape the reality to face you, I cannot, however, escape from the shame when I am facing God . Praise God, only He can make our past wounds completely cured. He is our hope, and most reliable hope. My husband, can you forgive me? Can you take my hand into yours and trust our marriage totally to Him? I want you to believe in him (out of my selfish goal). This is true! --Your wife, Tingting 18 Jun, 6, pleadings Jessica is the lawyer Zhongming once hired Jessica Ko 6/7/11 to me Hi James, Please find attached my response and counterclaim to her action I’ve asked for the following -shared custody and joint-guardianship of both children with equal time to both you and her -equal division of the assets -that neither party be allowed to dispose of family assets (this does not mean you can’t take money out for basic living expenses. You just can’t close bank accounts, dispose of RRSPs, sell the house or car etc.) -costs Please note the following - I opposed the spousal support claim but if you do divorce you will likely have to pay her something in the way of spousal support since she has no income -you can’t oppose child support Please review the pleadings carefully. If there are any concerns or questions please ask me. Thanks, Jessica Ko Barrister and Solicitor THE LAW OFFICES OF CAREY LINDE #605-1080 Howe Street, Vancouver, BC V6Z 2T1 Tel: 604-684-7794 / Fax: 604-682-1243 Email: jessica@divorce-for-men.com Website: http://www.divorce-for-men.com/ 2 attachments — Download all attachments Mou Counterclaim.doc 94K View Download Mou -Response to Family Claim1.doc 63K View Download James Mou 6/7/11 to Jessica Hi Jessica, The response is ok, but let me think about the counter claim tonight, don't fire that over yet. If both of them need to go together, defer both until tomorrow. Yes, the marriage is very broken, but we spent eight years together after all, including good times, I found you guys just to make sure I don't get screwed if she does something nasty, but I will not try to strip her down unless she does something outrageous. At least this is what I think now, she has no income, giving her some spousal support at least before she becomes more established is within reason, will make a decision tonight and let you know tomorrow. James > Email: jessica@divorce-for-men.com > Website: http://www.divorce-for-men.com/ > > > James Mou 6/8/11 to Jessica Hi Jessica, I just talked to my wife, she is going to get her lawyer to send over the consent agreement. I want to wait for the arrival of the consent agreement before proceeding with the response, the deadline of the response is still more than three weeks away, I think we can wait at least a few days right now. Whether she can stick to what we have agreed on verbally and send over the consent agreement as promised is an important factor for me to consider in order to decide on the next step, whether to play it soft/hard, nice/nasty and etc. Let me know if you can think of any drawbacks of this approach. Thanks. Jessica Ko 6/9/11 to me Hi James, It’s ok to wait for the consent agreement before filing and serving the response. It does have to be filed and served eventually, though, so please be aware of that. She will eventually see what we’re opposing i.e. sole custody, reapportionment of the martial assets and I don’t think your position on that will change. It is a good idea to get the consent agreement from them first before filing and serving. Her position may again change once she sees our response. Anyway, if we don’t get it by the end of next week I advise that we file the response Thanks, Jessica Ko Barrister and Solicitor ________________________________________ From: Lancy Hu [mailto:applerie@gmail.com] Sent: June 29, 2011 2:43 AM To: erwinepp@stargate.ca Subject: Interim Separation Agreement Hi Erwin, James and I have filled the blank of the agreement. What is the next step should we take? Thanks YaTing 0007 Separation Agreement july 2010.doc 63K View Download